Husband Treating badly in comparison to Mother and Sister


Question: My husband treats me differently in comparison with the way he deals with his mother and his sisters, and I always feel like there is a barrier between him and me. So what is the ruling on such interaction?

Answer: As for the man, he should give the preference to his mother if he wants above his wife. He should also be kinder to her than he is to his wife, this is the first matter. Secondly, this does not mean that he neglects her, because one of the most difficult obligations in Allaah’s deen is to give everyone their rights; that he gives his wife her rights and he gives his mother her rights, and so forth. Thus,what is waajib upon the man is that he deals correctly with his wife because the wife cannot be lead be simply doing what is rational, and the mistaken one is he who argues with his wife and wants to lead her by means of arguments and proofs. Allaah ( تعالى ) says, “Or one who is brought up in adornments (wearing silk and gold ornaments), and in dispute cannot make herself clear?”6 Hence, a woman has very strong emotions and her emotions are more dominant then her rationality, this is why the Messenger ( صلى الله عليه وسلم ) stated that they are “Deficient in their intelligence and their deen”7 which means that their emotions overpower their rationality. This does not mean that there are no women whose intelligence surpasses that of men. Fifty years ago there was a woman in Libya who excelled pass the men in fiqh, and the people used to call her ‘Waqaayah’ (i.e. the safeguard), and when it came to difficult issues they used to say, “Go to

Waqaayah, for indeed her faculties of sense are better than that of our scholars.” A woman is lead by gentle, ‘nice’ talk. Ibn ‘Abbaas said regarding the tafseer of the ayah, “Or one who is brought up in adornments (wearing silk and gold ornaments), and in dispute cannot make herself clear?” “A man has the ability

to change every point of contention that the woman mentions into a proof against her.” Because in an argument she cannot fully express herself, thus she is in need of ‘nice’ talk that would uplift her spirits, and this is why the sharee’ah made it permissible to lie to her regarding matters that do deny her rights.  This is the secret in dealing with women, that you make the woman feel that you truly need her, and she has what you need, then you will not find anyone more happy than her. This is the nature of women. It is wrong that the husband makes her feel this way and neglects her feelings. Nonetheless, he should give mother precedence over his wife and give everyone their rights without leading her to  have such feelings. He should not make her feel that his mother or his sister are competitors along with her, rather he should make her feel that he cannot do without her and that he is full of love for her, and that she is his priority. Our Rabb commanded us to live in goodness with the women, “And live with them honorably.”9 The Prophet ( صلى الله عليه وسلم ) said, “Treat the women good for they are like captives with you.”10 And the best of you is he who is best to his family. We ask Allaah to guide us all to that which he loves and is pleased with.

 

Source: A variety of comprehensive questions from www.troid.org asked to shiekh Mashoor hafidullaha

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